Transcript of 3rd Graders' Plot to Stab Teacher

Police have released surveillance audio and transcripts of 3rd grade students who plotted who stab their teacher in south Georgia in the United States:

"We gonna have to mess her up!"

"Wass the reason fo messin' her up Jeremiah?"

"She be yellin' at my home girl here fo standin' on a chair!"

"What!"

'Thass right! I been on this planet fo eight god damned years. Nobody be tellin' me or any of my associates where to stand."

"So what should we do?"

"We teach her a lesson she never forgets. We plan it out. Duct tape. Weapons. Handcuffs. We gonna do this up right!

"But one of her damn legs weighs more than two of us put together! She's one large individual!"

"I know that! That's why Shyla, Lateesha and Rufus gonna grab her left arm and Biff, Davie and Maria are gonna take her right arm. We're gonna have a team of four covering the windows with duct tape as this is going down. Jackie here gonna run to the office cryin', saying that he stuck something up his nose and can't get it out. That will keep those damn bozos preoccupied for the duration this is goin' down."

"***inaudible*** Kool-aid ***inaudible***..."baloney sandwich"***inaudible***...missin' no damn recess?"

"Don't worry about nothin' I'm gonna be directin' traffic!"

"You really think this is going to work? Come on, most of us are eight freakin' years old! Only Rico here who been held back for four years is..."

"Four years! You been held back for half my damned life!'

"My point is, it's going to be hard to pull off without getting caught."

"Caught! You think I don't know we're gonna get? I've got to spell it out for you clowns? Of course we're going to get nailed for this! We're playin' this for the long term! Look at how many bathetic elements we're going to introduce into this sad little attempt. Sharon's gonna bring a stake knife with a broken handle! That kind of thing invokes sympathy and a confused kind of outrage all at the same time!

You know how that's going to play in the press? Just think of the whole crazy aspect of 3rd graders trying to pull off a stunt like this. The media's going to eat this up. It works on so many levels.

The absurdist element as well as the real fear some fools gonna experience. And it's got the whole "this society's goin' to hell" narrative. It gives the right-wingers what they want and lets the bleeding hearts come to our rescue.

I'm thinking LONG TERM my little brothers and sisters! We're talking Good Morning America, potential book deals and...yes, OPRAH! You know how fast she gonna be layin' cash on our hard done by parents!"

"I'm impressed Jerry! It's got nuance. style and legacy written all over it!"

"Yeah? Thanks my man! Here's a last little touch...we're gonna pull this off on April Fool's Day! Most people won't know whether or not to believe what they're reading and seeing!"

"Cheers ***inaudible*** Laughter***Shouting*** "Beautiful!"